Raise your words and not your voice.
Have you ever had a time when your son or daughter broke a plate or glass and you told them “Why can’t you hold it right it’s simple as…”
or when your daughter spilled her chocolate drink in her school uniform you told her “You never listen to me, don’t you ever drink that again!”
or your son lost his pencil AGAIN at school and you said “I’m not buying you a pencil ever again!”
Yes, I did this too.
We as parents normally teach our kids to do what is right. However problem isn’t with what we tell them but what we SHOW THEM. When our kids did something we do not approve of our initial reaction is ANGER. We look at the action not their feelings. When our kids did something that was not right, instead of raising our voice, we must raise our words. Use empathy to address the mistake.
Stop yelling, stop reprimanding.
Instead of telling them NO, tell them “I know you like it but…. (explain what you want them to know) and I love you.” I couldn’t count anymore how many times I scolded Maddie about not joining chat rooms in those games she installed on our phone. I’ve explained to her a thousand times why it was dangerous but she kept on repeating the same mistakes. So I thought it must be me.
So the last time she did it, I tried a different approach. I spoke with her privately in the bedroom and talked calmly. Instead of yelling I told her “I know you won’t do it again because you love mommy and you are good daughter” and tell you what, we never had the same problem again.
We should focus on their strengths and not their mistakes. Instead of saying “you’re so lazy” we can tell them “you’re so hardworking can you help me?” Because what we tell them become who they are. What we say is what they do. Let’s be the person who will lift them up not the one who will make them feel less about themselves.
Praising them when necessary is good and pointing out their mistakes with empathy is the best way to do it. Bullies attack those who feel insecure, those who feel weak and those who are afraid. Do not let your kids be a victim. Be the one who will build her confidence. Make her believe in herself that she can do things on her own because she is capable of it. Tell her how beautiful she is and how much you love her so no one can ever make her feel that she is not deserving of being loved.
Always assure her that your family is there for each other and that you got each other’s back so that no matter what happens or where she goes, she will find your voice deep within her heart giving her courage and strength and I guarantee you 100% she will succeed in whatever she does and where ever she goes.